First of all, special thanks to all of you who read, commented, appreciated and critically analysed my blog Part I. In fact few asked me when I am going to come up with this second part (as many of us waited for new episodes of GoT or sequels of Batman movie). Nothing can be more satisfying for an amateur to get such a response. Thank You.
When I was writing Part I, initially I had not thought that I would come up with this Part II. But while writing the former, I realised that I should divide my experiences of this coveted examination into two parts - My journey and My takeaways. The former has covered my journey and concluded with the very fact that even when one might not taste success (which all aspirants yearn and dream for), its important to internalise that destiny has some other plans for you. Building upon this, this part II will try to analyse several aspects including aspirants' personal and professional lives (and sacrifices) during preparation and how an aspirant responds (or should respond) after not making into civil services. Thus, this blog would try to cover few perspectives for living happily and contributing to make the world a better place everyday no matter what one does after this preparation journey is over.
First of all, analysing WHY one wants to become a civil servant is most crucial before one starts preparing and risking one's prime years of life (20's). If one gets a clear answer to this question, one should start preparing without thinking about its outcome. This is because Erikson (psychologist) in his psycho-social stages terms the final stage as "Ego integrity vs Despair". He says when humans are in their 60's-70's, they try to evaluate life opportunities they faced/encountered v/s those missed out/neglected. If the former outweighs the latter, one experiences "Ego Integrity" and thus ageing happily. Otherwise, it is a case of despair and those individuals regret a lot when they can't do even a bit regarding those life events. Thus, if one wanted to prepare for CSE and didn't do because of fears like instability in life (quit job) and money (salary), one might experience "despair". But if one prepared and no matter what was the outcome, one would experience "ego integrity" and have no regrets for future ("Kaash/Shayad"- What if).
Secondly, it is very important to assess one's personality for clear understanding whether one would fit in the system if selected or not. Bureaucracy is not a job suitable (or meant) for all. Unless an individual has a passion for community service and is confident of exhibiting work commitment and dedication despite political and bureaucratic hassles on daily basis, one might feel suffocated and restricted. Some people are too sensitive to not be able to act on policies that are unemotional or lack empathy (Stranded Labour paying train tickets). Some might fit into IAS job role and many might not be able to comprehend and enjoy the works involved in IAS profile. The latter might feel IFS or MBA corporate work to be more intellectually stimulating, free and better lifestyle.
Thirdly, its desirable to have a Plan B or back-up plan in case if it doesn't materialise. Since success rate is 800/5,00,000 (0.1%), if possible, one should ponder on this before jumping into the battlefield (Kurushetra) of UPSC. There are many aspirants with zero year work experience and 5-6 years of study experience (UPSC CSE). They start doubting on their abilities irrespective of their past glories and successes (like IIT/NIT/Gold Medalist etc.). They are later found falling in the trap of Government exams- UPSC-SPSC-SSC-Bank PO etc. because they fear which company would offer them a job after such a long break. Even when they can perform excellently in any service line or area they choose, they are reluctant and under-confident of entering into such arenas and fall in the easy but not suitable job profile.
Fourthly, the exam is noteworthy for evaluating how many and which type of "Personal sacrifices" one can sustain or bear. Example- Relationships with world (asocial life without regular calls/chats/messages); Staying aloof of the modern developments in fast changing present world like Tiktok/Tinder (even if one tries to use them, one feels bad due to mind stuck in preparations and thus can't enjoy it freely). Similarly, one might have to bear "Professional sacrifices" too. Example- Several friends of mine who were getting attractive packages (even 50 LPA) in reputed organisations quit for CSE. Few of them have not made into the services despite 3-4 attempts not because they are incapable but because all of us can't get selected due to different reasons associated with the exam.
Finally, this brings to an important aspect that has been touched in the last few lines of preceding paragraph and would also be covered in the following paragraph. It is a question that comes to mind while preparing and especially when results are out no matter one appeared or not. The question is "Kya mera ho paayega jab uska nahi hua" (Would I be able to crack this exam when s/he couldn't). Based on my limited understanding and experiences in this field, this exam should never be perceived in this manner. This is because of subjective nature of this exam. Its an examination of 2025 marks - 1800 Mains i.e. 4 GS papers (1000 marks), 2 optional papers (500 marks) and Essay (300 marks) and 275 Interview (PT). The former is highly subjective due to the very fact that marking may be decided by several extraneous factors that are beyond the control of aspirant like mood of evaluator; performance of the subject that year etc. The latter is also subjective to an extent as the marks one scores in PT may increase or decrease by 20-30 marks based on the interview board (UPSC Chairman/members) one gets. Some boards make this PT as stress interview, some as factual Q&A round, some as Situation based interview and some try to incorporate all these aspects based on an interviewee's DAF (perhaps addresses the demand of PT most suitably). This increases the subjectivity of the testing methodology and "luck factor" takes front-seat.
Finally, an aspect I feel I should cover in this blog based on the comments I have received on my Part-I is "Life beyond UPSC". As aspirants, we think there is no job or life apart from UPSC in general and IAS in particular (which is fine to stay motivated and dedicated). This is why those who are even selected in civils but don't get IAS are found either trapped in the cycle of exam (EOL or frustration in that very service which one hadn't intended to join). But this becomes even more important for those who don't make into the list. They start considering themselves to be "failures" and start doubting on their capabilities, talents and intelligence. But this is not true as UPSC CSE doesn't validate or falsify one's potentials and intelligence (I was reminded of this by a very close individual whom I greatly appreciate for his humility and mentorship). It is an exam that checks few parameters (really subjective to point out them objectively here) to select 800-1000 odd aspirants. Those who get selected must have done something aligned to UPSC's requirements or criteria of evaluating candidates suitable for civil servants (I don't know what - perhaps as coaching institutes would answer this as good writing practice; conceptual clarity; sharp improvisation; addressing the key words of question and connecting it with different aspects of syllabus etc.). But the opposite is not true due to several well-known reasons like UPSC's methodology of examination; poor marking of an optional paper (Public Administration from 2012-15); "Just a bad day" on the day of Prelims/Mains/Interview etc.
Thus, to conclude this blog series "My UPSC CSE preparation - Journey and Learning for life", I would try to discuss what and how one can view this exam vis-à-vis "life" in general. Can we sum up our life under a single criterion like UPSC or IAS? I feel even those who are senior IAS officers might have experienced several life changing events not at work but may be during a trek or travel. This is because life goes much beyond success or so-called failure in any exam or job. There are thousands of civil servants who are doing splendid work in whichever service they were allotted. But there are also thousands of those who are not satisfied in the work they are doing and in fact had not expected the job of civil servant to be like this. Thus, those who don't make into the list should internalise the experiences and learning gained during UPSC CSE preparation to live "mindfully" throughout the life. Staying in the present moment with motivation to keep contributing constantly however and wherever one gets an opportunity to would lead to shaping as well as enriching our personal and professional lives. Having heard about as well as observed many of such aspirants like me who couldn't crack this exam, I can tell one thing with conviction which is "Our happiness and satisfaction in life is decided by how we respond in difficult and challenging circumstances and life events". I am sure many like me who couldn't enter into civil services would find many different and meaningful paths and opportunities to engage and contribute for building a better world.
When I was writing Part I, initially I had not thought that I would come up with this Part II. But while writing the former, I realised that I should divide my experiences of this coveted examination into two parts - My journey and My takeaways. The former has covered my journey and concluded with the very fact that even when one might not taste success (which all aspirants yearn and dream for), its important to internalise that destiny has some other plans for you. Building upon this, this part II will try to analyse several aspects including aspirants' personal and professional lives (and sacrifices) during preparation and how an aspirant responds (or should respond) after not making into civil services. Thus, this blog would try to cover few perspectives for living happily and contributing to make the world a better place everyday no matter what one does after this preparation journey is over.
First of all, analysing WHY one wants to become a civil servant is most crucial before one starts preparing and risking one's prime years of life (20's). If one gets a clear answer to this question, one should start preparing without thinking about its outcome. This is because Erikson (psychologist) in his psycho-social stages terms the final stage as "Ego integrity vs Despair". He says when humans are in their 60's-70's, they try to evaluate life opportunities they faced/encountered v/s those missed out/neglected. If the former outweighs the latter, one experiences "Ego Integrity" and thus ageing happily. Otherwise, it is a case of despair and those individuals regret a lot when they can't do even a bit regarding those life events. Thus, if one wanted to prepare for CSE and didn't do because of fears like instability in life (quit job) and money (salary), one might experience "despair". But if one prepared and no matter what was the outcome, one would experience "ego integrity" and have no regrets for future ("Kaash/Shayad"- What if).
Secondly, it is very important to assess one's personality for clear understanding whether one would fit in the system if selected or not. Bureaucracy is not a job suitable (or meant) for all. Unless an individual has a passion for community service and is confident of exhibiting work commitment and dedication despite political and bureaucratic hassles on daily basis, one might feel suffocated and restricted. Some people are too sensitive to not be able to act on policies that are unemotional or lack empathy (Stranded Labour paying train tickets). Some might fit into IAS job role and many might not be able to comprehend and enjoy the works involved in IAS profile. The latter might feel IFS or MBA corporate work to be more intellectually stimulating, free and better lifestyle.
Thirdly, its desirable to have a Plan B or back-up plan in case if it doesn't materialise. Since success rate is 800/5,00,000 (0.1%), if possible, one should ponder on this before jumping into the battlefield (Kurushetra) of UPSC. There are many aspirants with zero year work experience and 5-6 years of study experience (UPSC CSE). They start doubting on their abilities irrespective of their past glories and successes (like IIT/NIT/Gold Medalist etc.). They are later found falling in the trap of Government exams- UPSC-SPSC-SSC-Bank PO etc. because they fear which company would offer them a job after such a long break. Even when they can perform excellently in any service line or area they choose, they are reluctant and under-confident of entering into such arenas and fall in the easy but not suitable job profile.
Fourthly, the exam is noteworthy for evaluating how many and which type of "Personal sacrifices" one can sustain or bear. Example- Relationships with world (asocial life without regular calls/chats/messages); Staying aloof of the modern developments in fast changing present world like Tiktok/Tinder (even if one tries to use them, one feels bad due to mind stuck in preparations and thus can't enjoy it freely). Similarly, one might have to bear "Professional sacrifices" too. Example- Several friends of mine who were getting attractive packages (even 50 LPA) in reputed organisations quit for CSE. Few of them have not made into the services despite 3-4 attempts not because they are incapable but because all of us can't get selected due to different reasons associated with the exam.
Finally, this brings to an important aspect that has been touched in the last few lines of preceding paragraph and would also be covered in the following paragraph. It is a question that comes to mind while preparing and especially when results are out no matter one appeared or not. The question is "Kya mera ho paayega jab uska nahi hua" (Would I be able to crack this exam when s/he couldn't). Based on my limited understanding and experiences in this field, this exam should never be perceived in this manner. This is because of subjective nature of this exam. Its an examination of 2025 marks - 1800 Mains i.e. 4 GS papers (1000 marks), 2 optional papers (500 marks) and Essay (300 marks) and 275 Interview (PT). The former is highly subjective due to the very fact that marking may be decided by several extraneous factors that are beyond the control of aspirant like mood of evaluator; performance of the subject that year etc. The latter is also subjective to an extent as the marks one scores in PT may increase or decrease by 20-30 marks based on the interview board (UPSC Chairman/members) one gets. Some boards make this PT as stress interview, some as factual Q&A round, some as Situation based interview and some try to incorporate all these aspects based on an interviewee's DAF (perhaps addresses the demand of PT most suitably). This increases the subjectivity of the testing methodology and "luck factor" takes front-seat.
Finally, an aspect I feel I should cover in this blog based on the comments I have received on my Part-I is "Life beyond UPSC". As aspirants, we think there is no job or life apart from UPSC in general and IAS in particular (which is fine to stay motivated and dedicated). This is why those who are even selected in civils but don't get IAS are found either trapped in the cycle of exam (EOL or frustration in that very service which one hadn't intended to join). But this becomes even more important for those who don't make into the list. They start considering themselves to be "failures" and start doubting on their capabilities, talents and intelligence. But this is not true as UPSC CSE doesn't validate or falsify one's potentials and intelligence (I was reminded of this by a very close individual whom I greatly appreciate for his humility and mentorship). It is an exam that checks few parameters (really subjective to point out them objectively here) to select 800-1000 odd aspirants. Those who get selected must have done something aligned to UPSC's requirements or criteria of evaluating candidates suitable for civil servants (I don't know what - perhaps as coaching institutes would answer this as good writing practice; conceptual clarity; sharp improvisation; addressing the key words of question and connecting it with different aspects of syllabus etc.). But the opposite is not true due to several well-known reasons like UPSC's methodology of examination; poor marking of an optional paper (Public Administration from 2012-15); "Just a bad day" on the day of Prelims/Mains/Interview etc.
Thus, to conclude this blog series "My UPSC CSE preparation - Journey and Learning for life", I would try to discuss what and how one can view this exam vis-à-vis "life" in general. Can we sum up our life under a single criterion like UPSC or IAS? I feel even those who are senior IAS officers might have experienced several life changing events not at work but may be during a trek or travel. This is because life goes much beyond success or so-called failure in any exam or job. There are thousands of civil servants who are doing splendid work in whichever service they were allotted. But there are also thousands of those who are not satisfied in the work they are doing and in fact had not expected the job of civil servant to be like this. Thus, those who don't make into the list should internalise the experiences and learning gained during UPSC CSE preparation to live "mindfully" throughout the life. Staying in the present moment with motivation to keep contributing constantly however and wherever one gets an opportunity to would lead to shaping as well as enriching our personal and professional lives. Having heard about as well as observed many of such aspirants like me who couldn't crack this exam, I can tell one thing with conviction which is "Our happiness and satisfaction in life is decided by how we respond in difficult and challenging circumstances and life events". I am sure many like me who couldn't enter into civil services would find many different and meaningful paths and opportunities to engage and contribute for building a better world.
