Today evening when I shared the horrific suicide news of Sushant Singh Rajput with my maid, she instantly asked me, "Bhaiya, unko kya dikkat tha. Ham gareeb log ka samajh me bhi aata hain itna tension jis karan aisa koi kare" (What issue he had? It can be understood for poor people like me who have tension leading to such an act). I replied her that all of us have issues, tension and thus might be suffering with depression to different degrees. Some of us worry about school tests, some about board results/competitive examination, some about jobs, some about coming up with hit (in fact superhit) movies again and again and many others for livelihood, shelter, children's future etc.
Nonetheless we battle against these worries and try to win over them using hope (of a better tomorrow) and/or care and love for people who have always showered their unconditional love (parents, friends, spouse etc.). Whatever method we adopt, we live each day with many old worries (accumulated) and new worries (newly added up). Thus, The question is how to live happily and not get entrapped by the negative thoughts during these troubling times of depression?
Depression is today as common as diabetes or hypertension or may be inhaling polluted air. The fast modern lifestyle, omnipresent technology (and social media), nuclear families (shrinking number of meaningful relationships) and decreasing patience & perseverance in present generations have all contributed in emergence of this deadly demon. We are hardly communicating to those who can empathetically listen to our worries and help us win over the evil of depression. When was the last time did you talk to your parents or siblings or spouse about your personal & professional concerns in particular or mental health in general? The answer might be "long time back" or never. I understand all of us are busy in present lifestyle but are we this busy that we can't lend our ears and shoulders to those who need them the most?
What's more alarming in modern Eastern societies like India is that we are stuck in between the ancient wisdom or modern hassles. Earlier in India as compared to Western society, it was easier to resolve many problems at family level due to the strong bonding between family members. But now that seems to be missing more than ever. It is no more common for us to openly discuss with them because we feel we might not be understood by them or we would be judged. We say this a byproduct of "modernization" and independence.
But what we end up doing like suicide shatters their lives much more than anything one can imagine. If one can commit suicide (which can never be an easy thing given the fact that we are so horrified with death), can't we discuss and share the causal factors that might end up forcing to commit such a tragic thing? It's high time we establish meaningful relationships with at least five such people in our lives who can always rescue us from such a phase in our lives where death feels more easier and enjoyable than life. Let's adopt a humane form of modernization where people are closely knit (interdependent) yet free and independent. Then only we would be able to enjoy success in its entirety with these people instead of feeling empty or void all alone.
Further, comparison with the best and feeling frustrated/humiliated (oneself or by others) has always been a common thing in societies like India in general and East India in particular. It has just become more common and visible due to the omnipresent social media and technology. "Sharma Jee ka beta" stories have horrified lives of many children in schools, colleges and jobs since a long time. But after the humiliation they used to face, there was de-briefing session with grandparents or mother or sibling. Now this being absent and on the top of it, these stories have become so deep and diversified through social media (Car/Job/Girlfriend/destination wedding/Honeymoon pics etc.), we are unable to bear the pain and sorrow of not achieving as much as others.
Moreover, psychologists like Beck and Ellis have studied depression in much detail and concluded that it is our dysfunctional beliefs, irrational cognitive appraisals and negative thoughts" that culminate into depression. Unless we challenge and change these appraisal patterns and cognitive thoughts within us, we fall into the vicious trap of depression. Also we need to substitute the negative thinking style with positive and rational one. If we succeed in it, we might live more happily and mentally healthy.
This requires accepting the irrationality within our thought process and opening up to therapists (if needed) without any taboo. Unless we keep considering depression to be a disease or mental disorder, we might end up losing such wonderful characters. In the recent times, many sportspersons and movie stars have accepted the harsh truth of them going through "depression" and taking a break. This has helped a lot many of them in evaluating their life events (success and failure), life of a superstar, positives and negatives emanating from fame and stardust etc. Thus, the bottom line is to accept the flaws in our mental setup and re-organize the cognitive patterns before the demon hunts us.
Finally, its important to consider success and failure (more suitable word being experiences) as crests and troughs of sine wave. Life events ought to be bumpy and we all experience both good and bad times. The former is not remembered as vividly as the latter and thus we feel that we are tested more than tasting sweet fruits of success. One can feel mentally calm and healthy by pursuing oneself in hobbies like blogging, gardening, singing, dancing etc. Also several studies have pointed out the role of spirituality and meditation as they help one in re-establishing hope and finding meaning of life.
Whenever I feel low and/or couldn't reap an expected or dreamt success, I recall the lines from "Ode to the West Wind". P.B.Shelley wrote "If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind" meaning difficult times are followed with good times. If you feel that the past has been brutal, believe me a bright present and moreover future awaits you. But if you don't battle this out, we can never ever taste the sweet fruits of our labour, effort, patience and perseverance.
Rest In Peace Sushant!!!
I agree, superficial wants and desires, irrational cognitive thoughts paves the way for unrealistic expectations and puts an individual in a difficult position resulting into unhealthy mental state.
ReplyDeleteInstead of chasing material and tangible desires we should understand what is happiness instead and communicate more with family and friends.
I also feel this is the outcome of the shallow lifestyle which one is put to chase right from the beginning of his education. We have a very high number of students committing suicide, which is a very alarming situation.
All the stakeholders of the society should realise that there is a problem somewhere and start addressing it, let it be families, government, communities, schools , colleges, universities, offices, industries.
Death is the truth, but loss of life due to causes which can be prevented should always be a blackspot on the civilised community.
Very true Vishal. U have covered very well many aspects that I may have missed too. Thanks Vishal for the comment.
DeleteDon't thank me, it's a good way for brainstorming through your blogs.
DeleteThank you
Bahut umda 👏
ReplyDeleteThanks bhai. Baaki apse detailed comments upekshit rehti hn kavi mahoday :P
DeleteHahaha..you didn't leave much to write about, still I'll try to put my view.
DeleteCareer and relationships are two major cause of such issues. In both cases, we build many castles in air without considering the possibilities of failure. We have become so much ambitious that we start ignoring other people around us. When we face the bitter truth of failure, there's is no one around to take care of us. This way almost everyone in living in crowded solitude. This results in various psychological or mental illness that are not taken much seriously in our society. People think about such person once s/he is gone.
So what we need is revitalizing our social thread of care and interdependence. There should be no hesitation in asking help and there should be no ego problem in stretching our helping hand to someone in such need. These are things to be talked about in family, friend circle or any other groups. it's good to see that people are talking about it, writing about it.
Your article has covered this thing very well and being a student of psychology, you can understand and analyse the issue better than many and you did it nicely.
Bahut umda. What you have tried to come up with is important for us to understand in these depressive times (even when the present time seems depressive, we can learn many good things we had missed earlier like cooking, blogging, volunteering etc.) of COVID. I have thus written a blog yesterday to capture good stories around COVID crisis.
DeleteRegarding asking help, many have off late commented over the very fact that we, as individuals of society, need to evaluate ourselves before expecting others (so called depressive) to seek help. Lets come forward, accept our mistakes and weaknesses so that we work on them and become more mindful of ourselves.
We as Indian society are in transition phase from Eastern spiritualism to western materialism. Our demands from ourselves are very high. And then in case of failure, nobody is there to console us. As u mentioned family bonds broken, real open heartfelt laughters missing, one is left alone to keep waging war against all odds. Hence such tragedies keep happening.
ReplyDeleteVery true Yogesh bhai. In fact this transitory phase is making our case more precarious. We want independence from questions and thus move away to so-called free US culture but we don't have that mental status where we can resolve our issues and worries on our own. But with the feeling of guilt that we have when we move away from family and friends, we hardly have people to help us in distress times. Keep sharing ur perspectives like this so that I can write more regularly and better.
DeleteA good read. Depression is a serious thing. We do need to reflect upon it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ujjwal. Very true. U can throw more insights on the same that I may have missed. Being a psychology student, those might be relevant for brainstorming.
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