Significance of Parents and Responsibility of Children in today's world

As a single child, I have been brought up in a very closed (protective) system. This is also why I am closer to my parents especially my mother as compared to my friends. Right from the day I can recall memories, it has been these two entities - PARENTS - Mother and Father who have always stood, trusted, listened, corrected and believed me (and my abilities). But despite this, do we (or even try to)  establish deep and meaningful conversations with them? Few days back, it was "Global Day of Parents" (can be construed as Father's Day + Mother's Day). In this background, through this blog, I intend to discuss on the significance of parents in today's era (if any) and our responsibilities (if not duties) as children.

Parents constitute the most crucial aspect in psycho-social development of child, as per all developmental psychologists (be it Piaget, Vygotsky, Bronfenbrenner etc.). Vygotsky termed "social scaffolding" through children can bridge the gap between their potential and actual abilities (cognitive, linguistic etc.). Other psychologists like Berry and Hess have found that children inherit many aspects including our habits and aspirations. But there is a catch here. If parents are low in aspirations, it has been found in few researches that children too lack aspirations and hence are found wanting in working hard. Poverty, illiteracy and low aspirations have been found to be correlated in such studies and ASER study 2018. On the other hand, if parents are high in aspirations, children may suffer as they might not be living or pursuing their dreams but those of their parents (IITJEE/IAS craze). Nevertheless, aspirations are important for parents, children but also for society and nation to constantly grow and achieve new milestones. Hence, whatever we are today might not have been possible without their support (genes, environment, scaffolding etc.).

But, do we consider parents and conversations with them of any significance in these challenging and changing modern lives? Though technology has potential to make the world closer and connected, haven't we moved away from homes and them? When was the last time you had an open communication with parents irrespective of medium? How much comfortable children feel while talking or having a face-to-face conversation with their parents these days? This short movie or advertisement (The Homecoming) is my favourite due to its relatable content. A disciplinarian father - emotional mother - child triangular relationship has been very beautifully captured. As I have witnessed this since childhood, I can appreciate son's relation with such a father. During schooling, I respected him more due to fear. But today I am frank and open enough to discuss matters with him on varied socio-economic-political aspects. With my mother, I always had deep and meaningful relation. As a single child, parents become too protective and hence she is my first and oldest friend. Unless such open dialogue and communication gets restored in such relationships, trust; mutual understanding and love can't be strengthened between children and parents.

The above video and paragraph also capture an aspect that is the core of present parenting style in Indian society - Fear (Father) and Love (Mother) with male child and vice-versa for female child. The former is reinforced through Punishment at regular intervals. Society perceives this as the best way to discipline children, but does it make them disciplined or resistant to change? Based on my limited experiences, I feel we need to work in this regard together as a society. Parenting style of US, Europe discourage beating/slapping (positive punishment) children and prefer negative reinforcement. These terms are used in "learning topic" by psychological researchers too. As per studies, negative reinforcement i.e. withdrawal of pleasurable stimulus when child commits mistake is more suitable in long run for good habit formation and strengthening. For ex- taking away TV remote when child used foul language while watching his favourite cartoon makes him understand and internalise his mistake "of bad language". This has found to be more effective and sustainable manner of teaching right things/habits to kids as they are active participants in this style as compared to passive in above.

If parents can re-assess their parenting styles by being more aware of the surroundings and changing world, can't children re-evaluate their responsibilities in such a world? With increasing life expectancy, parents might live all alone for 20+ years after retirement. This should be Life 2.0 for them where they spend quality time with their spouses and children. But due to changing work environment and migration, children are living far away from parents in metropolitan cities of India and abroad. Parents, even when they want to stay with children, feel would not be able to fit in this ecosystem. This leads to increasing distance (physical, mental, social) between them. Video calls and WhatsApp can bridge this partially, but do we intend to do? I know many of my friends who don't even feel a need to call parents every day in morning (before work or during work). Parents, being too understanding, don't disturb children until they can wait and expect "just a call". Even when they do call, we as children might rage against them in the name of "wrong time to talk - office work etc." or get involved in a superficial talk (Kaise ho, Kya khaaye, dhyan rakhna i.e. How are you, what did you have, Take care). Is it fair on our part not to participate in a meaningful and deep conversation on call or any mode with the parents? Understanding the fact that they won't judge us like others, we should attempt making inroads in this direction, no matter how difficult it can be.

The world in present crisis realised the need for social bonding and relationships when we were forced to stay indoors. Many parents-children might have developed good rapport and deepened their relationships in these times (blessing in disguise). Many more might have understood need for "deep and unconditional relationship" with family and friends. Mental health in these months during lockdown has been discussed widely to be dependent on healthy and true relationships. Even before COVID, in present fast-paced lifestyle, we need to nurture our relationships with family to be more calm, happy and healthy. I would not term this as our duty, but our responsibility towards ourselves first and then parents. The well-being of us, our children and grand-children depends on our relationship with our parents. Are we ready to make the first move in establishing and deepening our relationship with our parents? This is our responsibility and we should accept it as a New Year (Global Parent's Day) challenge for us to be more blissful for lifetime.